I've been absent from writing weekly mental health thoughts for a few weeks. I think I'm burnt out on creating content - at least in this format. It's a lot of work to write thoughtfully and also record a podcast around the same theme every week, not to mention the schedule coordination required with my co-host. So, I took a self-imposed, guilt-free break.
Who am I kidding? Of course, I felt guilty. I'm letting the readers down, some of whom have contributed financially to me for the privilege of reading my words. And while I was working on that gigantic feature about Vincent DeGeorge, I still couldn't help but worry that someone would be mad at me for not producing enough. People-pleasing is one of the many lingering issues I have had since childhood that I'm still working on.
Though people-pleasing might seem like a benign trait, it can have profound implications for one's mental health. At its core, it's driven by a deep-seated desire for external validation and acceptance. This need for approval often stems from childhood experiences, where individuals may have learned that their worth is tied to making others happy or avoiding conflict at all costs.
For many, people-pleasing becomes a default mode of operation, ingrained in their personality and interactions. They constantly prioritize the needs and desires of others above their own, often at great personal expense. This can lead to resentment, exhaustion, and a pervasive sense of emptiness. Despite their attempts to please everyone, people-pleasers frequently feel unfulfilled and disconnected from their authentic selves.
One of the most insidious aspects of people-pleasing is the cycle of anxiety it perpetuates. The constant fear of disappointing others or being perceived as selfish can create a relentless inner critic that undermines self-confidence and self-worth. Every decision becomes fraught with anxiety as individuals second-guess themselves and strive to anticipate and meet the expectations of others.
Moreover, people-pleasing can erode boundaries and undermine healthy relationships. Constantly saying "yes" to others' demands and neglecting one's needs can lead to resentment and burnout. Over time, this pattern can damage relationships, as others may come to expect unlimited accommodation and fail to recognize or respect the people-pleaser's boundaries.
Ironically, the more people-pleasers sacrifice their own needs for the sake of others, the less authentic and genuine their relationships become. True intimacy requires vulnerability and honesty, qualities that are often sacrificed in the pursuit of external validation. By prioritizing the comfort and happiness of others over their authenticity, people-pleasers deprive themselves of the opportunity for genuine connection and mutual respect.
Breaking free from the cycle of people-pleasing requires courage and self-awareness. It means challenging deeply ingrained beliefs about self-worth and learning to prioritize one's own needs and desires. This process can be daunting, as it requires confronting the fear of rejection and learning to tolerate the discomfort of disappointing others.
Therapy can be a valuable resource for individuals struggling with people-pleasing tendencies. A skilled therapist can help clients explore the underlying beliefs and experiences that drive their need for external validation. Through cognitive-behavioral techniques and interpersonal therapy, individuals can learn to identify and challenge maladaptive thought patterns and develop healthier ways of relating to themselves and others.
Mindfulness practices can also help break free from the grip of people-pleasing. By cultivating self-compassion and acceptance, individuals can begin to disentangle their sense of self-worth from external validation. Mindfulness techniques such as meditation and deep breathing are just a few methods that help individuals become more attuned to their needs and desires, empowering them to make decisions that align with their values and priorities.
Ultimately, overcoming people-pleasing requires a willingness to prioritize self-care and authenticity. It means learning to value oneself independently of others' opinions and expectations. While breaking free from the grip of people-pleasing can be challenging, the rewards are profound. They can include increased self-confidence, deeper and more authentic relationships, and greater fulfillment and purpose. By cultivating self-awareness and self-compassion, individuals can reclaim their power and live more fully in alignment with their true selves.
I am working on this issue by allowing myself to feel the discomfort of potentially disappointing others. Not posting for a few weeks allowed me to focus on things like resting, thinking about other creative ideas, and more. It was a good break.
I'd invite you to look at things in your life that you might need to take a break from. Some of them, like parenting, aren't an option. But maybe there's a committee you joined that it's time to go on sabbatical from for a while. Maybe there's a hobby that's turned into a chore now. It could be learning to say no to new asks and tasks.
I am committed to this blog, and I thrive with a schedule. And I like the "Happy Monday" brand. But I'm still determining where we will go with it in the next part of 2024. I hope you come along and explore with me.
This content is for educational and entertainment purposes and is not the same as therapy. If you need to talk to someone, go to PsychologyToday.com or one of the many online therapy platforms available and start treatment with a professional today!
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