Protection

Honor, Trauma, and the Drive to Keep Safe

In a couple of hours, a parade will... well... parade down the street in the small town where I live just across the Ohio River from Cincinnati. It'll be full of local businesses, politicians, Boy Scout troops, churches, and my favorite—the veterans groups, who remind us of what this holiday is really about.

Today, on Memorial Day, we honor those soldiers who were lost in battle. I can’t help but think about the sacrifice they made to protect our freedoms.

Protection often looks like sacrifice. These men and women understood something profound: that safeguarding what we value most sometimes requires stepping into harm’s way. They gave up their comfort, safety, and, ultimately, their lives so others could sleep safely, speak freely, and live without fear. It’s a stark reminder that protection isn’t just a concept—it’s a human drive that shapes how we move through the world.

And it’s not just true on a battlefield. The idea of protection shows up in so many of the things I talk about in my work. I often say three things about it:

One, a parent’s number one job is to keep their kids safe. That’s the baseline. From childproofing outlets and eliminating choking hazards to teaching kids how to cross the street or not talk to strangers—so many of the rules we grow up with are rooted in that protective instinct. Even the rules teens fight against—curfews, driving restrictions—are rooted in love. Boundaries say: you matter enough to be protected.

Two, when our safety needs aren’t met, we experience trauma. I define trauma as anything that causes a loss of power or control. And the more severe—or the more repeated—those moments are, the more we spend our lives chasing safety, sometimes without even realizing it. That’s why behavior, especially difficult behavior, often makes so much more sense when we see it through a trauma-informed lens.

Three, emotions can be protective, too. Anger, for instance, often masks vulnerability. It’s expressive, yes, but it’s also a defense. It says “back off” when what we really mean is “I’m scared,” or “I’ve been hurt before.” We build walls not because we’re mean, but because we’re afraid. We lash out not because we’re bad, but because we’re trying—sometimes clumsily—to protect something fragile inside us.

Understanding this changes everything.

That coworker who’s always on edge? Maybe their nervous system is constantly scanning for danger. That friend who won’t open up? Maybe vulnerability once felt dangerous. Even that defensive part of yourself? It might just be trying to shield old wounds.

So today, as we reflect on those who gave their lives to protect our country, let’s also think about the many ways people try to feel safe. Let’s look at ourselves and each other with a little more curiosity and a lot more empathy.

Sometimes that means noticing when our fight-or-flight response gets activated—not because we’re in real danger, but because we’re reacting to something old. Other times, it’s about building relationships where we can practice feeling safe while being vulnerable. Or maybe it’s just creating daily routines and spaces where our nervous systems can exhale a little.

The soldiers we honor today protected our external freedoms. Now it’s our turn to protect our internal peace—and to help others do the same.

My favorite photo from last year’s parade - Benjamin Franklin was there!

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