Staying in Your Lane

Boundaries are important.

Lately, I’ve noticed a lot of erratic driving on my commute to and from my office. It’s subtle, but I’m constantly on high alert due to cars drifting close to the line on the highway - and in a few cases, actually coming into my lane.  It’s dangerous and terrifying, and I don’t like it.

This also caused me to think about life in general and the various lanes I “drive” in daily. For example, I’m a therapist, but I’m also a theatre blogger and playwright. I’m a live streamer and podcaster. I’m a son and a friend. And due to various laws and ethical guidelines, I try to keep my lanes fairly distinct despite all being extensions of ME.  

(By the way, a few clients have told me that they have discovered my new live stream and podcast; please feel free to listen to “Happy Monday,” as I consider that an extension of my work as a counselor.  Just know that if you choose to interact during the live streams, you risk identifying yourself as a client, which could affect your privacy. I won’t identify you, nor would I ever compromise your rights - but you can, and I just wanted to be extra cautious in this regard. Let me know if you have any questions!)

A lot of the people I work with are exhausted. And many of the reasons are that they overextend themselves and stray outside their lanes.  They don’t have good (or sometimes any) boundaries, and they drift and weave in and out of the traffic of their lives without intentionality.  Almost always, this comes from what we think is a place of helpfulness and kindness.  But what if you’re violating someone else’s boundaries by being too helpful?  What if you’re driving yourself mad by not being more protective of your emotional and other resources?  What would it be like to just stay in your lane?

I’ll admit, I’m not very good at this.  I once had a coworker give me fantastic advice; she said, “Try to stay under the radar.  Just do your job, nothing more and nothing less.”  It was a brilliant insight into that particular position.  

However, I’m not an under-the-radar kind of person.

I’ll always be the guy who steps in to help in a crisis.  I knew where the warm blankets were when I worked in the hospital. Despite not being any part of my role, I would often assist the overworked nurses and other emergency staff with things.  (This made me very popular with them; not so much with my team, who knew that to survive that job, you had to maintain strict boundaries and . . . yes . . . stay in your lane.)

So . . . I don’t work there anymore. Ha!

Photo by Ant Rozetsky on Unsplash

Boundaries are an essential aspect of our lives, whether physical, emotional, or psychological. Boundaries are limits we set for ourselves or others, and they help us create a sense of safety and security. They are crucial for maintaining healthy relationships, establishing personal space, and ensuring others do not take advantage of us.

Physical boundaries are the most apparent type of boundary. They refer to the limits we set on our bodies and personal space. For example, physical boundaries can include not allowing others to touch us without permission, setting limits on the amount of personal space we need, or avoiding physical contact altogether. Physical boundaries are essential for maintaining our sense of safety and ensuring that others respect our autonomy.

Emotional boundaries refer to the limits we set on our emotional state, feelings, and thoughts. They help us establish our emotional space and ensure we are not overwhelmed by other people's emotions or opinions. Emotional boundaries can include not allowing others to manipulate our feelings, limiting our time listening to others' problems, or establishing boundaries around our personal emotional needs.

Psychological boundaries refer to the limits we set on our thoughts, beliefs, and values. They help us establish our identity and ensure that we are not influenced by others' opinions or views. Psychological boundaries can include things like not allowing others to pressure us into changing our beliefs or values, setting limits on the amount of time we spend discussing certain topics or establishing boundaries around our own personal beliefs and opinions.

My challenge for you this week is to identify your lane - and try to stay in it.  I bet you’ll have more energy. I bet you’ll sleep better. And you might just learn to love saying the word “no.”

This content is for educational and entertainment purposes and is not the same as therapy. If you need to talk to someone, go to BetterHelp.com or PsychologyToday.com and start treatment with a professional today!

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Don’t forget to tune in live at 9:30 AM for “Happy Monday” - a live-streaming podcast experience to start the week off strong! Available on FaceBook, LinkedIn, Twitter, Twitch, and YouTube live - and then wherever you get podcasts later. Go to www.kirksheppard.com for the links.